


tell me about him

by general_tyson



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caduceus knows two kinds of relationships and that's 1: family and 2: mourner & burier, Caduceus-typical discussions of death, Discussions of death, Found family talking about the family they lost, I don't know how to tag this, Not Canon Compliant, Some swearing from Beau, Spoilers for C2E26-onward
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:28:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25712806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/general_tyson/pseuds/general_tyson
Summary: Caduceus asks some questions, and each of the Nein feel a tension ease that they didn’t realize they were carrying.Or: I realized Caduceus doesn’t really know anything about Mollymauk
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Beauregard Lionett, Caduceus Clay & Caleb Widogast, Caduceus Clay & Fjord, Caduceus Clay & Jester Lavorre, Caduceus Clay & Nott | Veth Brenatto, Caduceus Clay & The Mighty Nein, Caduceus Clay & Yasha
Comments: 8
Kudos: 79





	1. Jester

**Author's Note:**

> This fic requires a mild suspension of disbelief in that you have to imagine Caduceus is kind of nosy about this person he’s never met. But hey, talking to people about who they’ve lost is kind of his thing.

Jester is the first person he approaches about Mollymauk.

Well, technically, she approaches him, again, finds him curled up near the front of the ship, tea in hand. The talk they had earlier after the Nein killed a lot of people on the docks in Nicodranas and promptly stole the ship of their victims, and boy, that was a thought he should probably shut down before it spirals. But Jester, unsurprisingly, was the first to reach out to him, to notice the tension he carried; to Caduceus’s surprise, it helped a great deal. Right now, his wakefulness was less to do with stress and more to do with the trouble of adjusting to being on a ship.

Caduceus is just about finished with the brew he made to settle his stomach when Jester finds him, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders.

“Hey Caduceus. How are you feeling?”

“Oh, I’m doing alright. My stomach was a bit unsettled so I came out here to have some tea. Come join me.”

Jester plops down next to Caduceus and cranes her neck to look up at the stars.

“Are we like, pirates now?” Jester ponders, “I think this makes us pirates. Man, I bet Molly would have loved to be a pirate.”

“I don’t think I actually know what that word means. Pirate. I don’t know much about the ocean.”

“Well, pirates are people who sail around and have lots of adventures and also steal things from other people. Kinda like we stole this boat. So I think we’re pirates now.”

“Huh.”

They sit in silence for a bit longer. Caduceus contemplates brewing another pot of tea when something Jester said clicks in his brain.

“You, uh, you mentioned Molly. Haven’t really heard you all talk much about him.”

Jester visibly deflates at Caduces’s words but almost immediately perks back up again. “Yeah. We all just miss him a lot, you know? Caleb and Beau and Nott had a little bit longer to adjust to it, cause Fjord and Yasha and I weren’t there when it happened. Other than what we said at his grave, we haven’t really talked about him.”

“Miss Jester....would you like to tell me about him?’

Jester sighs and settles in against the side of the ship, tugging her blanket closer. “Mollymauk was....really incredible. He was a tiefling, like me, but he had beautiful purple skin and all kinds of tattoos and jewelry and piercings. Very, very pretty. He was the first tiefling I ever met, other than my momma of course. But we’re not very common in the Menagerie Coast, or the Empire really, so it was really good luck that we met him and Yasha in Trostenwald.”

Jester trails off and they sit in companionable silence for a while. Caduceus can sense that Jester isn’t done, so he waits patiently. He’s had a lot of practice listening to the grieving.

“He had these tarot cards and he would always read my fortune whenever I asked him to. He was very kind, even if he didn’t seem to be. Like, he would make jokes about things, like making fun of Beau, or messing with Nott, but he loved us, I think.”

Jester trails off once again and tugs her blanket tighter around her shoulders, folding into herself. 

“He sounds lovely. I wish I could have met him.”

“Oh, he would have liked you for sure, Caduceus. I mean, your hair alone, he would love that. It’s very pretty, you know.” Jester pulls out slightly from her blanket bundle to smile up at Caduceus, who smiles back softly.

“Thank you, Miss Jester. That’s very kind of you. And thank you for sharing your story with me. I’ve always found that death is never really the end for a person, not as long as they leave behind people who love them. That’s how they live on, in all of you.”

Jester smiles at Caduceus, the lantern next to him highlighting the moisture on her cheeks. “I’ve never really thought of it like that. That’s really nice. Molly would like that too, being unforgettable.”

The two continue to sit in silence at the front of the ship, listening to the crashing waves around them. Eventually Jester starts to yawn, and Caduceus’s lantern begins to die down, so they pick up their things and head down to the sleeping quarters. Before they separate to their individual bedrolls, Jester takes Caduceus’s hand and gives it a squeeze. “Thanks again Caduceus. Let me know anytime you want to talk, okay?”

Caduceus squeezes her hand back and nods. “Of course, Miss Jester. Have a nice night.”


	2. Fjord

Fjord is the next person with whom the conversation comes up naturally. He and Fjord room together in Darktow, once Fjord is done with his....distracting, for the night. The room is small, containing one actual bed and one thin mattress, and it’s as they’re discussing who’s taking which that it comes up. Fjord sets his pack down onto the floor and stretches, wincing slightly. “D’you want the bed or the mattress, Deuces? I don’t mind either way. Molly an’I would usually switch who got what every time we were in town, but I don’t know if we’ll be here more than the one night.”

“Oh, I’m perfectly fine with the mattress. Spent a lot of nights sleeping outside when I was at the Grove.” Caduceus strides over to the corner, setting down his belongings and beginning to set up his teapot. “Want any tea, before bed?”

Fjord accepts, and Caduceus gets to brewing their tea and lighting some incense to help clear the room of the general “dozens of people have slept and sweat here” smell that he’s found exists in every inn. He hums a bit to himself as Fjord prepares for the night and eventually settles down on the floor across from him.

“So, you mentioned Molly a few minutes ago. What do you think he’d think of all this?” Caduceus gestures his hand broadly in an attempt to encompass the entirety of what’s happened since they left his grave.

Fjord sighs and accepts the cup Caduceus offers, blowing on the tea as he considers the question. “I’m not entirely sure. Molly was quite a character, not really someone I would call predictable. He was a good man--person--he wasn’t really one who cared for labels, as far as gender went, which I admit was strange to me at first. Didn’t mind us calling him a man, so.”

Caduceus hums, considering. “What do you mean, about the lack of a label being confusing?”

Setting down his cup, Fjord fiddles with a loose thread on his shirt sleeve. “Molly was open about pretty much everything--except his past, that is, but he didn’t really know much of it. He wasn’t in the habit of hiding anything about himself, which just wasn’t how I was raised. Well, ‘raised’ is a bit of a stretch. Wasn’t much nurturing in the orphanage, or out on the ocean. You learned to keep your head down and keep things close to the vest. Molly didn’t see the point in that, which was off-putting at times. We stayed at this real classy inn once, in Zadash, and Molly and I were sharing a room when he, uh, requested the company of two folks for the evening. He was about ready to strip down in front of us all before I ducked out to stay with the girls. I felt awkward as all hell about it at the time, but I had to respect how...how at peace he was, with himself. I admired that.”

Fjord trails off, seemingly lost in his memories. Caduceus lets the silence hang for as long as he needs.

“He made a great sacrifice for us, fighting the Iron Shepherds. It’s a debt I’ll never be able to repay.”

Caduceus starts to pack up his tea set, both of them having finished their cups. “Sometimes, when people leave us, we feel an obligation to them. It never manifests the same way for everyone, but I’ve found the best way to deal with it is usually the same. You can’t do anything more for the person once they’re in the ground, but you can live on in a way that they would appreciate. Sounds like the best way to repay Molly is to just be yourself.”

Fjord appears to think this over as they change into their sleep wear and settle in for the night. “That’s an interesting opinion, Deuces. I’ll--I’ll have to think about that. Thank you, for asking. Haven’t really talked about any of this before. Kinda nice to get it out in the open.”

There’s something in the way Fjord speaks that shifts, just for a moment, before he clears his throat and his usual drawl is firmly in place. Caduceus intends to let it slide, for the time being. Small steps.

“Of course, Mr. Fjord. I appreciate you indulging my curiosity. Sleep well, now.”

“Sleep well Caduceus. We might have pirates to fight tomorrow.”


	3. Caleb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had intended to post 2 chapters again, but I forgot I never finished the next one ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. Have some Caleb in the meantime.

It’s a few nights after they’ve left the Happy Fun Ball that he gets a chance to talk to Caleb. 

The wizard trails behind him as he goes to make tea one day, lost in his thoughts as usual. Caduceus suspects he’s still mulling over what happened in the Ball, but, like he and Beau said, everyone did their best in there. They’ll see that, eventually, but in the meantime, tea helps any situation.

“Any particular requests, Caleb? I have a dozen or so sachets from the Grove, couple ones are good for relaxing, I’ve found.”

“Well, uh, what kind do you have that is not made from dead people?”

“Oh man, that sort of reduces your choices, but I’ve picked up a blend or two from every town we’ve gone to, I can make some of that?”

“Ja, that sounds good.”

They remain in comfortable silence while Caduceus sets up his tea pot and looks around for some snacks to bring back to the group. To Caduceus’s surprise, Caleb is the one to break the silence. He’s summoned Frumpkin into his lap and starts to pet him. “You’ve mentioned before that each person has their, you know, own unique flavor, so to speak. I wonder sometimes what will grow from Mollymauk’s grave.”

“I’m not entirely sure, to be honest. I never met him, of course, and I’ve only heard stories secondhand from you all. Can’t really predict what will grow from anyone, realy, but it always seems to fit the person. Every now and then in the Grove we would have folks return to visit those they buried, and a few of them took me up on offers of tea. Everyone who did said the tea made them think of their loved one.”

“Ja, I suppose you would not know anything about him. During the time we knew him, even, there was much that we were unaware of, much that he was unaware of. But we knew the important things, I think.”

Caduceus takes the kettle off the fire and sets the tea to steep, sitting down at the table across from Caleb as he does so.“Would you like to tell me about him?”

A silence, as Caleb thinks. “Mollymauk was the most colorful person I have known, in all senses of the word. He was loud, vivacious, knew how to make a scene when he needed to. I still cannot look at scrambled eggs quite the same way.” Caleb blushes slightly at this, although Caduceus can’t imagine why.

“But, more than perhaps anything else, Mollymauk knew how to take care of people. He knew the value of working in a group, and how that group needs to work together in order to succeed. But he did not let that prevent him from seeing the individual within the group. When we all started traveling together, I often had my doubts about being with a group. I was not sure if traveling with such strange people would bring more attention to us, or if we could slide by unnoticed while the attention was on the loud ones. But Mollymauk, he was always committed to keeping the group together. And he saw my doubts, quite a few times, and he always pushed back when I was doubting. It was not always delicate, but he got the job done. He started the process of my caring about more than just myself and Nott.”

Caleb pauses petting Frumpkin, who wrinkles his nose at the interruption. “I do not think I have said any of that out loud before. You are very easy to talk to, Mr. Clay.”

“Ah, yeah, I get that a lot. Got a lot of practice in listening. Everything has something to say, and if you’re quiet long enough you’ll usually get to hear it. I’m always happy to listen, Mr. Caleb.”

“I, uh, I appreciate that. You are good for this group, you know. We are all a bit of a mess, in our own ways, and you have a very...grounding presence. It is a nice change of pace.”

“Well, thank you for that. I’m quite pleased to be here with you all. Speaking of, we should get this tea out to everyone before it gets cold.”

“Ah, ja. Good thinking.” Caleb dismisses Frumpkin with a snap of his fingers and stands to gather the snacks on a tray while Caduceus takes the tea. With a murmured “Thank you” and a slightly awkward pat on the back, Caleb takes off to find their friends, Caduceus following behind.


	4. Nott

Caduceus is pretty pleased to be on solid ground again, a sentiment he knows Nott shares, but Nott has left one source of stress only to head to another as they group make their way to Felderwin and whatever parts of her past remain there. They’re both taking a break in the cart, Nott going back and forth from mixing chemicals to drinking whiskey, which, Caduceus is no alchemist, but he’s pretty sure that’s not standard procedure. What Caduceus is good at is reading body language, and based on the way Nott’s shoulders are at her ears, he figures a distraction might help a bit.

“Nott, could you tell me something about Mollymauk?”

Nott takes another nip from her flask and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, looking up at Caduceus. “Where did that come from?”

Caduceus shrugs, summoning some of his beetles and letting them wander over his shoulders. He likes to let them stretch their wings every now and then. “I’ve asked some of the others about him. I spent a lot of time at the Grove listening to people talk about loved ones that they’d lost. You’d be surprised how much you can learn about a person through the lens of their grief.”

Nott shuffles her alchemy supplies off to the side, brushing off her hands. “I didn’t really hang out with Molly much, at least not one on one. When we all first met I was really only comfortable being around Caleb, but, you know, Jester is just too sweet, she won me over pretty quickly. Molly and some of the others took some time, obviously Fjord is still hit or miss, but I did have a moment with Molly that stuck with me.” Nott pauses to down some more of her whisky.

“I used to have this pretty strong compulsion for stealing things. Still do, a bit, but it was worse back when we were dirt poor. I think it was the second town we were in as a group that I was sort of casing the scene for good places or people to steal from, and Molly noticed me. He said he wasn’t going to get in the way of it, unless it could hurt the group, but he did suggest I limit my thieving to grumpy people. Not grumpy like Beau, exactly---‘Fuck you, Nott!,” Beau calls out from her horse a ways away from the cart---“but like the rich kind of grumpy, people who have too much and might be better off with a bit less. People who won’t miss what I take. It didn’t really stick, at first, because like a day later I actually tried to steal something from Fjord and Molly caught me. Gave me the same speech about only stealing from grumpy people.”

Nott pauses to take another hit off her flask as she gathers her thoughts, looking out at the countryside passing by. “In a weird way that was like, our bonding moment that made me like the guy. I don’t steal so much anymore, but. I always think of Mollymauk when I do.”

Nott trails off, staring at the road ahead, flask seemingly forgotten at her side. That’s an accomplishment, at least. Caduceus wonders if she’ll let him do a lesser restoration later, help clear her head a bit. Something to offer, later.

“For all that he annoyed me, Molly was a good guy. When Fjord and Jester and Yasha were...were taken, Molly didn’t hesitate. Didn’t stop to think about whether or not we would go after them. He may not have had any sort of biological family, at least not that he knew of, but he knew how to take care of one. Knew how to help one grow. I think about that, too...”

Nott trails off again and Caduceus senses it’s for good, this time. There’s a soft sort of finality, he finds, that comes after a person considers a lost one they haven’t thought about in a while. Colton always scoffed when he said he could feel it, but Calliope understood. It’s a gentle sort of stillness, like the moment after a long exhale.

“Thank you for that, Nott.” 

“Thank you for asking. It’s good to look back, sometimes.” Nott’s gaze is still focused on the road ahead.

“Hm. Hard to look forwards, sometimes.”

“Yeah. That too.” Nott tears her gaze from the surrounding countryside and glances down at her flask before shoving it back into her pack. Little victories, Caduceus thinks. Nott returns to her alchemy kit, cursing softly when some of the liquid sloshes out onto the cart floor. Her focus shifts from the chemicals in her hands to the road ahead as the group continues their journey to her home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll, this chapter was fighting me. Something about writing Nott or writing Nott and Cad was just not clicking for me, but here it is.


	5. Beauregard

Caduceus isn’t quite sure how many days they’ve been traveling underground now. The group has shuffled through every song and story they can think of to stay even a little entertained as they trudge through the monotonous tunnels, always on the lookout for more of those weird tentacle-y monsters they fought in the crystal cavern. The journey has been pretty safe for several days now, and Nott and Beau decided today was a day to drink. Nott’s used to a certain level of perpetual inebriation and passes out easily when it’s time to bed down for the “night,” but Beau volunteers to sit up with Caduceus for the first watch so she can sober up a bit. So, it’s with a somewhat irritated and increasingly sober Beau that Caduceus brings up Mollymauk.

“I noticed that no one told any stories that included Molly, back when we were talking. Though, to be fair, Jester was very insistent on getting through the rest of  _ Tusk Love. _ ” Caduceus sets up his kettle as he speaks, selecting a brew that helps combat some toxins in the body.

“Yeah. We do have a habit of avoiding that topic. Kind of a shame, really. Had some good times with him.”

“I wouldn’t mind hearing, if you’d like to share.”

Beau starts unwrapping and redoing the strips of fabric that adorn her arms. She does this a lot when she’s thinking, he’s noticed. 

“Molly was an asshole. And, like, I know  _ I’m _ an asshole, but we were different kinds of assholes. We didn’t actually get along very well at the beginning, to be honest. He thought I was unpleasant, which, to be fair, I kinda was, and I thought he was obnoxious, which he definitely was. But as much as we annoyed each other at times, he was a good friend. Always down to get a drink with or trip with. An asshole, but a good guy.”

“He had good stories too. Told me one, once, when we were drinking, that’s kind of stuck with me. I asked him what’s the best lie he’s ever told, and he spins this tale about how he convinced an entire town that he was royalty for some sort of scam he was pulling at the time. Got doted on by the townspeople and in return they felt so special because ‘royalty’ was visiting. And I told him about this one time I dug up some dirt on this couple I didn’t like, back in my hometown, and ended up totally ruining their marriage, just because I could. Didn’t help anyone. Didn’t make anyone feel good. I didn’t even feel great about it, afterwards. And I realized that Molly and I were both scammers and liars, but out of the two of us, Molly didn’t actually hurt anyone. ‘Leave every place better than you found it,’ is what he said. That’s what he did. He used his asshole-ishness to make people happy. And that’s kind of what I’ve been trying to do ever since he died. I’m still an asshole and a liar, but I might as well do some good with it.”

“Interesting.” Caduceus finishes brewing the tea and hands a cup to Beau, who accepts seemingly without noticing. Pouring another cup for himself, he thinks aloud, “I don’t think that I’d call someone who was trying to do good in the world an asshole. Seems to me like if a person is doing good things, they’re probably a good person.”

“Eh. I dunno. I’ve kind of built my entire brand around being an asshole, you know? Old habits and all that. And I don’t mind being an ass, if it gets the job done.”

“I can understand that, I think. As long as you understand that we don’t see you that way. I think everyone in this little group has some issues having faith in themselves. Might be something to consider.”

Beau laughs a bit at that. “Think that’s a bit of an understatement, Deuces. But I see your point. Another thing to think over in these goddamn boring tunnels, huh?”

“Yeah, this is not the most pleasant environment we’ve been in. I miss the sun. Speaking of, we should wake up someone else to take watch.”

“I’ll do that, Cad. You go ahead and sleep. Thanks for the tea.” 

Caduceus smiles. “Anytime, Beau.” He settles down in his bedroll and turns away from Beau, pretending not to hear the slight sniffles in the ten minutes she takes before waking up Caleb for second watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, check that chapter count. I've emotionally committed to what I previously planned as a bonus chapter but turns out I thrive on comments, so, thanks for enabling me with your appreciation.


	6. Yasha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who forgot they had this written and ready to go! I need more of Cad and Yasha being soft together.

They’re on watch together one night, somewhere outside of Asarius, when Caduceus gets the chance to talk to Yasha. She’s flipping through the book she presses her flowers in, making sure they’re all secure, and a slip of paper falls from the front of the book. Caduceus catches it before it can hit the damp ground and hands it back to Yasha. She takes it and stares blankly at it for just a little too long.

“If I might ask, what’s that from, Miss Yasha?”

Caduceus’s words break Yasha from wherever she went, and she slips the paper back into the book. “It, uh, it was a flyer for the circus I was in, with Mollymauk. From before.”

Caduceus nods, considering this. Remembers the pain in Yasha’s voice as she screamed at the sky, kneeling at Molly’s grave. “Miss Yasha....I’m not sure I’ve ever heard you talk about Mollymauk.”

Yasha sighs, still staring down at her book. “Yes. It is....not easy, even after all this time. I know he would not want me to be sad, but...”

“It’s always difficult, losing someone who means so much to you. But, in my experience, talking to people who came to the Grove, many folks left a bit lighter than when they had arrived. Worth a shot, at least.”

Yasha is quiet for so long Caduceus assumes the conversation is over and he’s starting to think about what he’ll make for breakfast tomorrow morning when she speaks.

“Mollymauk was family. For a while, he was one of two people I ever considered family. Growing up I did not know my parents, only the tribe and my place in it. We were a group but I would not call us family. And then, Zuala....” Yasha trails off, fiddling with the book still in her hands. “After I...left the tribe, I was lost for a very long time. I am not quite sure how long that was. When I came back to myself, I was somewhere in Wildemount. One day I came across the circus. They took me in. Molly had already been with them for some time, and I think he saw something of himself in me. He always said no one went into the circus unless they were at least a little weird.”

Caduceus realizes he has never heard Yasha speak this much at one time, but to be fair, he isn’t the most talkative of the group either.

“And Molly just, just helped, because he was there, because he cared. The circus was his family, and as soon as I joined, so was I. It did not matter to him that he did not know me. The friendship came over time, but the loyalty was there first. I do not think he really knew how much that meant to me.”

Caduceus considers this. “Well, I didn’t know him, of course, but I think it’s likely that he did know how much it meant. If he saw something of himself in you, he probably knew how much it meant. How much you needed it. It seems like you both cared for each other a great deal.”

“We did. I do. I am not sure that it will ever stop hurting, that I lost him. But I am trying to be happy, for his sake.”

“I’m not sure that grief ever truly goes away. For that to happen, you’d have to forget about the person who meant so much to you, and that’s a different kind of loss. But even if there is no joy in grief, one can find joy in life and still carry that grief. I think the more joy you can find, the easier it is to carry the grief.”

Yasha thinks on that for a while. “Sometimes I feel guilty for what little bits of joy I do have.”

“It’s the only way we can keep going forward. You have to take the good and the bad, the grief and the joy. Can’t have one without the other. We need the rains to keep crops alive, and that means we have to weather the storms that bring down trees and flood fields. And eventually, you get to harvest that crop, and it can make the prospect of weathering the next storm a little easier.”

A small smile crosses Yasha’s face as Caduceus spins his nature metaphor. He’s used to the group laughing at him a little bit every time he goes off like this, but there’s no teasing in Yasha’s smile. For such an imposing and deadly woman, she’s never been anything but kind to the group.

“I like that. I’ve never really planted anything, but the part with the storm, I understand. Thank you, Caduceus. I think I do feel a little bit lighter. Inside, that is. My hair is still very dark. That’s just a little joke..”

Caduceus laughs at that, smiling at Yasha as she glances up somewhat surprised. “That was funny. You’re very funny, Yasha. I’m glad I could help. We’re all here for you, you know.”

“I know that. We are here for you too, as well. I hope you know that.”

“Oh, I’m just fine, Miss Yasha. But thank you.”

“Mm. I always say I am fine, too. Sometimes I believe it.”

Caduceus opens his mouth to respond, but whatever words he has stick in his throat. It is very late at night, and they are very far from home, and he is so very tired. So Caduceus stops, closes his mouth and shoves down whatever half truth was about to come out. “Well, it seems like we both have some things to think about. Think we should wake up some of the others for the next watch?”

“Yes, I will wake someone up. In a little bit. Thank you, again, Caduceus.”

He smiles and gives her a pat on the shoulder as he rises and stretches, knees and shoulders popping. Spreading out his bedroll, he starts to drift off, listening to the quiet sounds of Yasha flipping through her book, and the faint rumbles of thunder in the distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've got one more chapter to go folks; I'll give ya three guesses as to who that will feature. That bit's still in development but hit me up in the comments if this was any good because MAN it really does make me want to write more.


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